As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
