I'm going to jail i love you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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