conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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