i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
