By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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