If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
