wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
