i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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