We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
