wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
