oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
