I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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