I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
