another moral hangover. fuck.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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