I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
