dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
