I wannas sexs uuuuu
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize