Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
