i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
