Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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