I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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