One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
