when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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