i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have surprise drugs for everyone
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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