Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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