If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
