i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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