just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
