Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
