Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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