What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just google imaged poop.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize