At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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