You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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