I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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