Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
