playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
