Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
