I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
