Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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