Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
