Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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