at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
