Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
