mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
