Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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