I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
