its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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