I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sobbing to NWA
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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