I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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