nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
