the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think i have two assholes
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
