Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
