I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
