Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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