come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
