just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
