I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
