The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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