you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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