She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
