I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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