Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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