there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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