If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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