Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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