The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize