Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize