I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She bit a glass in half.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
