Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
