i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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